His Presence Desires Our Presence

This year of 2024 has been a time of challenge, difficulty and discovery for me. I have experienced traumatic loss, taken on planting a new church and now know the ache of becoming an empty nester. Each of these things have been accompanied by an abundance of deep-felt emotions. Many of them have been painful, and others—like anger and jealousy—have caught me off-guard. 

The discovery part has come as a result of the difficulty. The pain and perplexity set me on a course of seeking the Lord. Some of these emotions were troublesome because I knew at the root of them was sin. I did what I always do… run to the word of God. I read all the applicable passages—how I love the word of God!

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Hebrews 4:12 ESV

The word of God brings truth to light. However… the Lord showed me something that was missing as I sought Him. I was avoiding and trying to cover up the truth of my soul. I was using the word of God like a bandage to cover the wound without fully revealing it (my soul) to the Lord. I wanted to recite a scripture to make it all better, rather than dealing with the pain of my challenges.

Jesus tells us,

“Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit and his worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth.”

John 4:23-24 NIV, emphasis mine

So what does it mean to worship in spirit and truth?

To start with, we need to acknowledge that the act of worship requires two entities: God and man. Worship requires the One who is worshipped and the one who worships. The very presence of our Holy God desires the presence of His image-bearers. His Presence desires our presence.

The Father seeks worship that is true. He desires that we come in truth. That means nothing hidden and no pretending.

I have a beautiful Christian heritage for which I am so grateful. Because I grew up in the truths of the word of God from an early age, I have known that the scriptures tell us not to be afraid, not to stay angry, not to be jealous or anxious for anything. In an attempt to be a good Christian and obey the word of God, I would often push down these emotions within me and try to live an exemplary life on the outside. Not only was that “fix-it” solution exhausting—it didn’t bring forth joy.

The Lord has been showing me that He isn’t interested in the “best” version of me coming to make an appearance before Him. It actually doesn’t impress Him. He desires that I bring all the stuff (good and bad) into His Presence. His Presence desires my presence.

In Matthew 15:8, Jesus quotes Isaiah and says,

”These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me.”

Matthew 15:8 NKJV

The Lord is not looking for a worship performance or act. He wants communion with the real “me.” He wants true fellowship without hiddenness. When we draw near this way, we will not find One who scolds, but rather the Gentle One who desires that we bring our burdens to Him.

“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

Hebrews 4:15 NASB

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

Coming to Jesus with our struggles is not a fair exchange.

He comes in all His glory, righteousness and gentleness… and we come with our weaknesses like resentment, fear and anxiety. To receive this exchange, humility is required. I suspect that the Lord even counts this as fellowshipping with Him!

“Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door; I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me.”

Revelation 3:20 ESV

I imagine Jesus saying something like this: “THIS is bringing your whole heart. Your definition of bringing your heart looks quite different than Mine. Now you aren’t hiding anything. This is what I long for. You are turning towards me. Remember that I am gentle and humble in heart. You can humble your heart because I am humble. Come and show me every part, not just the things you think I am looking for. Don’t hold back. As you share all with Me, you can know that I will not withhold My heart.”

“Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you carefully.]”

1 Peter 5:7 AMP

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Hebrews 4:16 ESV

You might be thinking, “This rings true but—practically—how do I bring troubles to Jesus? Doesn’t He already know about it? Why should I tell Him what He already knows?” The point is that Jesus wants to hear it from you and He wants to hear it from me! He doesn’t need an “informationship”… He wants a relationship.

Here are some things that have been helping me learn to be real with Jesus:

1. Slow Down

Find a quiet place to be alone with Jesus.

2. Full Disclosure

In order to slow down my mind, it has been crucial for me to either speak aloud my thoughts or to write out what I am feeling in a journal. I have personally found that I am most honest when I write out my thoughts and feelings directly to Jesus. I also try to give as much detail as I can. It is important to not sanitize what we feel, but rather to let it even appear ugly. This is actually very humbling. 

“But this is the one to whom I will look; he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.”

Isaiah 66:2b ESV

3. Ask Questions

After laying it all out, I usually ask the Lord a few questions. I most often begin by asking Him what He thinks about what I have said. When even a tiny bit of response comes, I begin to write immediately—usually the Lord will continue bring more revelation. I also love to ask the Lord if there is something deeper underneath my troublesome emotions. He has been so faithful to tell me the truth about myself. These have been wonderful times when His word comes right to the wound like a balm and sets me free. Praise Jesus!

4. Give Him Control

This has been a big one for me. Luke 23:46 has been a lifeline for me to connect with the faithfulness of God. Jesus says, “Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit” (NIV). I pray this scripture almost daily. It has become a prayer of release. My Father’s hands can hold whatever concerns me. My Father is able and will take charge of what I cannot manage. That includes even my ability to grow in areas of weakness.

These simple practises have led to fresh faith and authentic worship. Spirit and Truth.

My Prayer

Jesus. You are even more wonderful than I knew. That You would want to hear all the struggles of my soul is beyond my understanding. I have tried most of my life to fix them on my own, in an attempt to please You. I give up trying to save myself. I trust You with the deepest places of my soul. Thank You for pursuing me and bringing me into newness of life over and over. I adore You, my Friend and my Savior.