How to Receive Criticism (And Handle It Well)

If you serve on a worship team, chances are that you’ve received feedback from somebody at some point. 

Feedback comes in all shapes and sizes. 

Perhaps it’s been praise for how much someone loves it when you sing or how well they think you lead worship. 

Perhaps it’s been loving feedback from a leader being honest with you about an area they would like you to grow in. 

Or perhaps it’s been criticism from a leader or member of the congregation, and it wasn’t delivered with much tact or grace. 

This last kind can be particularly “ouchy”. Many of us have felt the sting of an unexpected comment—or maybe, like me, you’ve felt tears springing to your eyes as a leader shared some feedback with you.

In any case—whether it’s a compliment or criticism—it’s vital that we steward these moments well.

I’ll talk another time about how to receive praise, but today I want to touch on how we can best handle criticism when it comes. 

Negative feedback (about most things!) can be quite challenging to process. It’s almost never easy to hear that someone didn’t like the way you did something, or that you’ve fallen short in some area. But I want to share with you how you can steward these moments in a healthy way… and even become better because of them!

I know I can certainly tend to put my fists up (on the inside!) when I receive a critique, even when it’s delivered lovingly and from someone I know and respect! So often I want to rush forward with all the reasons why it’s not true, or why I wasn’t at my best in that moment, etc. etc. 

But the most important thing we can do first when we receive feedback is to take a breath… pause and invite the Holy Spirit into the moment. 

Invite Him to guard your heart and mind, and to help you respond in love and peace. This doesn’t need to take long—He is inside you and closer than your next breath!

“… God’s peace… exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

— Phil. 4:7 NLT

Jesus actually said that it was better that He return to heaven so that we would have the Holy Spirit with us at all times—what a beautiful gift we have!

“Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.”

— John 16:7 NKJV

So… how should I respond when I’m given feedback? 

It really depends on the moment and on what was said, how well you know the person, etc., but in any case, be attentive and respectful as they are speaking to you, and be humble and genuine in your response. 

If you didn’t realize the “fault”, you may want to say: “oh I didn’t realize! Thank you for letting me know!” 

If it is something you know about and you’re working on it (for example, perhaps you know that you struggle with rhythm or harmony, or with singing higher notes on pitch), thank them for the feedback and let them know that you definitely want to improve, and that you’re working on your skills at home. 

You may want to ask them some questions so you can truly understand the feedback they’re giving you. Best to ask questions in the moment than to go away wondering what they meant! Again, invite the Holy Spirit to soften your heart—and your tone—as you ask for clarity. Rather than go into defensive mode, make it your goal to respond gracefully and humbly!

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.”

— 1 Cor. 13:4-5 NLT

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

— Prov. 15:1 ESV

“If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.”

— Prov. 15:31-32 NLT

Then—and this part is really important… 

Get alone with the Lord later and process it with Him. 

The reality is that there is usually truth to the feedback we receive, however or from whomever it was delivered. (There are definitely exceptions to this, but in many cases we can assume that there is at least some truth in it.) 

So as you pray, ask God to reveal what is true of the feedback you were given—and thus what you need to work on—and ask Him if there’s any part (or all) of the feedback that you can just let fall away. 

And, make sure to ask Him to help you forgive the person who gave the feedback (this is often more necessary than we think!) and to remove any root of bitterness! Jesus so longs for unity in His church—His prayer to His Father was:

“that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”

— John 17:21 NIV

The call to unity and forgiveness is seen all throughout Scripture—let us not ignore it!

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

— Mark 11:25 ESV

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

— Eph. 4:32 ESV

“Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace.”

— 2 Cor. 13:11 NIV

“See to it… that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

— Heb. 12:15 NIV

Time spent in prayer and processing with the Lord is so important. Let Him do the full work in your heart! 

As you pray, invite God to speak His truth over you, and to remove any shame or discouragement that has set in (or is trying to)! Moments where you receive feedback are ripe with opportunity for the enemy to get his lies rolling around in your head, telling you that you don’t measure up or that you should just give up—perhaps even stop singing on your worship team. 

The devil is a liar—this is why we are in desperate need of the truth of God’s word to renew our mind daily, and why we need intimacy with Him daily. When we abide in Him, we are safe and secure in the truth of who we are as His sons and daughters.

“… be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

— Rom. 12:2 NIV

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

— John 15:5 NKJV

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.”

— Rom. 8:14-17 NKJV

Inviting and abiding in God’s truth will always thwart the enemy’s plan to bring division, discouragement and shame—because the lying tongue of the enemy has been conquered by the power of the blood of Jesus!

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me, says the Lord.”

— Is. 54:17 NKJV

“And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he [Jesus] made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”

— Col. 2:15 NIV

God is such a kind and loving Father, and He loves to be invited into our difficult moments. So be expectant as you come before God to process the feedback you received—He is faithful to speak when we ask Him to!

He especially loves to help us be conformed to the image of His Son (since this is our main purpose in life according to Romans 8:29!)—and often when we receive criticism, it is a challenging but beautiful opportunity to grow in our character, because in each of these moments we have the choice between humility or pride, forgiveness or bitterness, peace or anxiety, shame or sonship… 

We have the choice to sit in the discouragement (it can feel like a real deep pit after someone says something negative!), or to come up higher above it all… to not only not be dragged down into shame, discouragement and offence, but way better—to receive the upgrade that God has for us in that moment! 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

— James 1:2-5 NIV

Think about it—these moments of feedback can either be a setback, or we can say “thank you Lord!” for the opportunity to grow… not only in our skills (if the feedback is in regards to our singing or musicianship), but more importantly… 

in our character,
in our forgiveness,
in our intimacy with the Lord,
and in looking more like Jesus.

Sounds like an upgrade to me! 

What about you? Do you have other healthy strategies for responding and processing criticism in a God-honoring way?